With all the tragic news lately... and some things going on in my personal life as well, I have this constant reminder in the back of my mind that life is very short, and every moment we spend breathing is precious.
So what I wanted to talk about a little bit in this post is anxiety.
Life is far too short to spend your days in anxiety or worry of what people think of you, it's too short to hold grudges, it's too short to hold onto anger, it's too short to not be forgiving, it's too short to hide yourself away and try to never be vulnerable, it's too short to focus on your past, it's too short to focus on your mistakes or other people's, or your shame, or whatever it may be that is holding you back. It is too short to not be spending every moment possible living and loving to the fullest. It's too short to not spend as many moments as possible smiling and laughing, and enjoying life. It's too short to not chase your passions and your dreams. It's too short to let your hope die.
Knowing these things... and actually applying them to your life are 2 very different things. Applying is much more challenging and never easy.
I am the farthest from perfect that you can get. I am a broken, mess of a person just like any other. I screw up more often than I succeed. But you know what? Most of us, if we are honest with ourselves, feel like we ARE like that. Life is not easy for anyone. We ALL struggle with something.
Not giving up, thats what matters, moving forward in spite of challenges hardships, fears and all the negative things that weigh you down. You are worth something. You do have talents, your beating heart is a reminder that you do have a purpose in this life.
All you can do is try your best, and that is what I'm trying to do. My best may look nothing like your best, we are all different, we all grow and change and learn at different paces and in different ways, that's something that I feel like a lot of people, including myself sometimes, forget.
I am taking every step I can to move forward with my life lately. To better myself... to heal my mind, to heal my body. To live with passion and a purpose, to not put my faith in things that will fall apart and disappoint. But to put my faith back where it always belongs. In God, who has never given up on me, who never will give up on me, and who has taken my mistakes and all my pain and suffering and shame, and everything else, and will use it for good.
It took me literally losing everything that I was clinging to, to understand this. My hope in superficial things, my dreams, my plans, my comfortable life, even my marriage, money, possesions.... my sanity at times too...
I am not ashamed or afraid to admit that over the past few years, I have definitely struggled with depression, self hatred, anxiety, and unstable and suicidal thoughts. I have also been completely and utterly tossed around, broken, and put through an emotional hell by the world over the past few years, as many of you probably have as well.
But God has taken that culmination of brokenness and completely humbled me, shown me how he can turn it around... how he can turn ME around. Change me and make me new again, give me hope. He's shown me that he never gave up on me, even when everything else fell apart. God is still there.
And I'm completely in awe of it. The love and grace that my God has for me and for you is truly astounding. If you only open your mind and your eyes to see it and receive it. It's something that can only be understood by experiencing it... and I hope and pray that everyone that reads this will get the chance at some point in their life to experience and live in the overwhelming love, forgiveness, and grace that God can give you.
I don't have all the answers, I barely have any in fact lol and I definitely don't think I'm better than you or anyone else. I don't expect a lot of you to understand or even care about this and that's ok. All I ask is that you respect my beliefs and my opinon and I will respect yours. :)
If this post helps or encourages even just one person in some way... then it will be more than worth it. ❤